The White Serum

I slowly inject the white serum, the liquid moves rapidly through my veins and suddenly, I'm there. The place smells awful and the room is way too crowded. I remember mostly everything, but living this again with no alcohol makes a difference. I approach my sister and she gives me the most disgusting look I've ever received in my life. My hand does not belong to me and I quickly remember; I'm with him. I look down and realize my skirt is way too short, I try to pull it down and act normal. He looks at me and plants a kiss in my forehead. We move together through the crowd when my mother suddenly appears, she looks at me and smiles. Seeing this again makes my heart shiver; she looks like she approves my sudden change of plans. I kiss her and go straight to the dance floor, the waiter comes close and gives us two shots of tequila, he takes both and thanks the waiter. He takes the first one, he bites a lemon and gives me the second one. I drink the tequila and get close to him; I bite the lemon off his lips and wink at him. Seeing myself like this makes me want to never drink again, I look so ridiculously awful. He gets closer and kisses my neck, I smile and hug him closer to me. We dance most of the night. He makes me laugh and I am way too vulnerable, seeing the way I watch him makes me drop a tear of sadness. In the distance I see my friend calling us and I walk towards her. I take a few more shots and he tells me he has to go to the bathroom, he slowly gives me a tender kiss and I act like nothing is happening. When he returns, I motion him to come closer and I kiss him, this time rougher. My hands are all over him and he moves closer to me. I feel so distant and disgusted with myself, seeing the way I'm kissing him, the way he is touching every part of my body. What makes me the saddest is realizing that he is playing with me, that he didn't wanted anything more than a hook up. Later on, we act like a couple. He gives me kisses and holds my hand, I pretend to talk to somebody while my sister is watching us. The effect of the white serum is starting to pass out and I feel weak and nauseated. How can I have not seen the whole picture of how ridiculous I looked that night? Living this all over again just makes me sad, a memory that was precious to me has now become a disappointment.

That's The Thing

That's the thing with feeling lonely, someone who doesn't love you comes and gives you a kiss and your hope shoots straight to the sky. You think he actually will ask you out, you start making stories about how you'll go out with him and eventually become  a couple.

No Title

If you think about it, we all started as strangers. Two strangers who met each other one night. Two strangers who were seeking the same thing: an answer. An answer to a question they have asked themselves for the past years, a question so deep that no one else ever asked. But when he stared at her that question suddenly had an answer. Whenever she listened to his name, her skin turned red and her heart remembered. All it took was one night for her to fall in love with him. One night, that changed everything. She wanted to be that girl, she wanted to be that girl that stole his heart one night, that girl that was so perfect he doubted her existence. But one thing that will haunt her mind forever; she will never truly know what he thinks of her.

18

There she was, hair down, tight dress and high heels. "18" she smiled at me and I got closer. "18?" I asked. "I'm 18 now". She looked like the kind of girl who didn't belong in a place like this, the girl who stayed home doing homework or reading a book. We were standing in the dance floor, she had this pathetic little way of dancing that made my body weaker with every song the DJ played. I remember seeing her and thinking how could I not meet this person earlier? I remember one time I was with my friends and we were talking about the perfect girl, now that I think of it... she kind of looks like it.

"So I guess this is the end of the story" She said to me while she was getting in her car. I signaled her to open the window. I got closer enough and softly, kissed her. She tasted sweet, our movements were completely synchronized and my heart slowly opened. I smiled at her.

"This is only the beginning" she smiles and gives me a soft kiss, again.

The Sound Of The Ocean

I can still hear the waves crashing against the boat. I can still feel your warm hand against my face. I could never forget the smell of the sea, even If I wanted to. Those nights were you could almost reach the stars, those nights were I felt like the whole world was mine. I still remember your eyes meeting mine, sensing a whole new experience. Believe me when I say you were the most unexpected thing, but somehow expected. In my whole life, I waited for you, but I never thought you could come to me the way you did. The smooth touch of your lips against mine hiding us from the world. That twilight like a secret keeper heard us, the sea felt us, and the moon was our ally. That was the night my life started, I felt so incomplete before you, like I was living in a dream and suddenly you woke me up. You showed me that I have a second chance in life, like a higher power sent you to save me. The scent of our pure hearts introduced to love for the very first time. It might have been a fantasy, It might have been just a dream, but for me, it was the true love of two young people. It was the world telling us that there’s still hope. It was the ocean asking us to succeed. It was the moon requesting a second chance for us. Maybe I feel this way cause you were my first near love ocurrence, but for me, it was like magic.. But now, all I have is that memory, that memories, of the night that soon will be nothing but a story to tell. 

New Facebook Page!

I decided to create a Facebook Page aside from the main blog. Expect news, quotes and more!  

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Guilty-Pleasure-of-Writing/560968847273338 

Every Night

She wanted to know what if felt like,
The feeling, the special feeling her friends would talk about
She read books, saw movies and listened to stories
She wanted that, a story.

Every night she would go to sleep thinking:
"Why her and not me?"
She thought there was something wrong with her

But words couldn't heal her,
Nobody could ever help her,
She waited for that someone, for that kiss, that touch
That would made her feel like she was worth something

She still looks at the stars every night,
With her heart open and her soul wishing.

No Answer

What is the real reason I'm here anyways?
What can I do to make this pain go away?
Is there a real reason I'm feeling this way? Is god or life trying to teach me a lesson?

When I ask myself those questions again,
I only find out there is no answer.
There will never be an answer, so why be here anyway?

I'm afraid my only way out is doing something to take away this pain
I'm afraid to ask those questions because maybe deep inside I already know the answer.
Maybe there will be a better place for me to live in
Where no one can judge me or make me feel like I'm not worth it.

What do you do when you have no way out? When you can't picture yourself in a better future?
The lump in my throat hurts so much, the hole in my heart is demanding something

The truth is- nobody can save me. I'm not even sure if I can save myself anymore.

Floating in a Blue Universe

He throws me his pity words hard enough so I can catch them,
The sad part is; I do.

I sink deep in the water and he follows behind me.
I'm caught up in the moment and the tears disappear in the water

He tries to grab my hand but I splash around,
I imagine myself floating around in the universe

The stars follow behind me, duplicating my graceful movements
The moon is watching while the sun keeps laughing

I wake up abruptly,
He is pleading and asking me to forgive him

I turn around and face the ocean,
The irony of being here with him comes to my mind

Such a stunning place with such a poor company.

The Price Of War

My sweet and innocent brother,
Sent to war with no purpose
Dead, he was found dead
“He died for our country” people say
A hero, who risked his life for our safety
But...How much does a regret weight?
My brother, he was only my brother
I miss him, every bit of him
But now, he is more than my brother
He is a hero.


The soldier came
And told me what happened
An accident, he called it.
An honorable accident.
He was part of me,
A part of what who I am, who I was
And who I will grow to be
I take the ashes and spread them,
Saying my last goodbyes, a tear full of sorrow
Blows with the wind.

A New Life

The smell of coffee woke her up,
She slowly opened her eyes and sighed,
Something was wrong.

She felt tired, nauseated and just wanted to sleep.
He kissed her and inmediatley knew
She was confused, she didn´t know what was wrong

She looked at herself in the mirror
A small tear appeared
The world embraced her as she prepared for the news

She will no longer be alone, a new life
A knock in the door woke her from her daydreaming

He held her in her arms and touched her belly
A strong feeling of happiness appeared
She played with his hair while he kissed her.

Perfectly Together

You opened the door and I smiled. I knew right from the start that you were going to be someone important and meaningful in my life. I climbed into your car and the cold wind played with my hair. I listened to the music and smiled, we liked the same bands. I kept talking and you were so concentrated on the road, I have to say you looked really cute driving. I felt like my universe was complete and after a really long time I felt like I belonged somewhere- next to you. I imagined our relationship and felt so happy everything was fitting perfectly. The whole time I was looking straight into your blue eyes and kept thinking how beautiful they were. My heart was beating so fast and after a while I just got used to the idea of being together, of having someone to be with. When you told me we were going out again, to meet your friends, I couldn't ask for more. I just hope friday comes fast cause I can't wait to feel perfectly together. 

Red Stains On The Floor

I grab the knife and
I slice it
softly, against my skin. 

I feel it, 
I feel every part of the knife
I feel the pain

I remember him
I remember us
I cut deeper

The white floor
Suddenly turns red
I smile and cry 
all at the same time

I hear a noise
Footsteps, damn it
My family wasn't supposed to come home 

I hide everything 
I grab a towel and
clean the blood. 

I hide the fresh scars 
The hoodie does a great job 

My mother comes up, 
I fake a smile and she gives me a kiss. 

I never stopped since then.

Write A Poem

Wake up,
Open your eyes and let me in
Tell me that you've missed me
Write about me and tell everyone

Write about the way we sleep together,
Rhyme me with you
Make our love a story or better yet,
a poem

Be the light that shows me the way,
Become my guilty pleasure
And let me read our poem, 
every night.

Let me be your muse
And make the words dance
With every turn I take
Be the director and lead this orchestra

Forget about the part you left me
Avoid every sad detail that happened to us
Obviate our ending

And let the beauty of words, sink in.

A Cupcake Full Of Happiness

We were walking on the way to the coffee shop when my friend spotted a cupcake store. I have to say i've never been so excited. We walked in and ordered, we both ordered two cupcakes and returned to the coffee shop to eat them. We sat down and ate them, we didn't say one word and we both enjoyed the silence. I looked to the window and saw people walking by, I imagined what kind of life they were living or why they were there.

Suddenly I noticed this guy sitting next to us, he was working so hard on his computer. I told my friend about him and she noticed him too, we were both pretty intrigued by the way he was working. After our cupcake and coffee break we sat there for a moment, thinking and reading.

Two other friends meet with us in the coffee house and I told them to save us our spot, my friend and I went for a walk. When we returned I saw the guy still working on his computer, we were about to leave when I told them to wait for me

"Excuse me sir, Would you like a cupcake?" I asked, remembering the second cupcake was still untouched.

He looked at me like I was a freak.

"No" he answered. My friend looked at me and hugged me, I started walking down the street with her when I saw a women sitting on the sidewalk, she was holding a big sign "Help me, I'm homeless" 

I smiled and my friend knew exactly what I was thinking. Finally, we arrived where she was.

I smiled at her and grabbed the cupcake from the box. "Would you like a cupcake?" I asked her, handing her the red velvet. I swear never in my entire life I've seen such a happy face, her eyes were glowing and she had a big smile on her face. She grabbed the cupcake and thanked me.

A tear sliped trough my cheek and I smiled with joy. A random women who was passing by saw this and smiled at me

"That was pretty great thing you did there Hun" I smiled at her. Thinking how that cupcake made that women so happy I started smiling and It made my day. It was one cupcake and one smile. I started remembering the little things in my life and I thanked everyone around me. I will never forget that day, in which one cupcake contained the happiness of that women in the sidewalk, the women who stopped by and saw this, my friend's happiness and most of all my own.

Wanderlust

She embraced the beauty of a new life
Her book remained on her lap while she thought of her trip
She always dreamed of exploring the world, but now
That dream was coming true.

Wanderlust. 
That's what they told her

Although she wasn't doing this to get away
She wanted to meet new people, new places

She moved her leg impatiently, waiting
The boy seated next to her smiled at her
But she was too busy to notice

He whispered something but she couldn't catch it
The lights from outside enlightened the notebook she was carrying
And the boy's eyes sparkled with love

He wrote a note and passed it to her
She ignored him and boarded the plane
He remained silent

She fell asleep the whole trip

She arrived and smelled a whole new place
Her soul filled with wonder
There was no question, she truly felt wanderlust. 

Small Poem

You are the sour remains of my lost soul
The expiration date recorded at the back of a gift card
You are the coffee stain on my new clothes
The feeling you get when you know tomorrow is monday

Stangely, you are also the light that shows me the path
The feeling of not having homework one cloudy afternoon
You are my breakfast in bed after a long night
The smell of wet grass and the sun rising

You are not only the light but the shadow
The math problem and the solution
You are the disease but at the same time you are the cure
The black color and the white one

My Ghostly Friend

The smell of fresh flowers wakes me up, 
I look at the clock next to my bed and I know it's time to get up, 
The cold water does a fine job and finally
I'm awake

A sudden whisper appears at back of the room
I smile and say hello
It's been a while since the last time I talked to him
I shiver 

The sparkling rays of sun let themselves in
I let them take over my cold body
He tries to impress me moving things 
I laugh and pick up the mess 

I tell him how much I miss him 
A red rose appears in  my lap 
I say goodbye and tell him to wait for me 
He smiles and opens the door

A blurry cloud passes through my window and I send a kiss. 

My day ends
I run to my room
I find him, sitting in my desk
I sit on the table and smile at him

The Worst Part

 I love you and I have no idea of what to do with it because you are not here anymore. t's amazing how crazy you made me feel, but the worst part isn't loving you, the worst part is knowing you love me too. So dear lover, break my heart. Tear me apart, tell me you don't feel the same about me, leave me alone and hopeless because all that is better than knowing that you want me and I can´t be with you anymore. With all this free time I do nothing but think about you, every song, every smell, every flower, every night reminds me of you.

So tell me what am I supposed to do with this feeling? I guess one of my biggest fears isn't loosing you; I already lost you, but never feeling this way about anyone. Maybe to society I´m just a girl but to him, I was her lover. I was the one who made him feel like he deserved more, I was the one who changed everything, the one who listened and understood. But  I´m just a sad memory, a sad story, a story without an ending. Maybe we´ll meet again, who knows. But for now, you are my never-ending lover. A lover who never begun and a lover who has no ending, because I know deep inside of me that out there you still think of me. I want you to know that not only I miss you but everyday you are not here with me a part of me dies.

Society

Since we were little society made us a certain way. Our parents used to tell us stories about a princess in need of a prince or about a frog who was kissed and transformed into a prince. We watched movies about love, read books and listened to stories. We grew up thinking a prince was going to come and save us, thinking how easy dreams were made and achieved. But we grew up only to be disappointed, life taught us that finding a prince is hard, that dreaming of a goal isn't enough to achieve it and most of all that love can be unattainable.

What if love is just an illusion? What if society made up this idea of loving someone so we could feel like life was worth living? I started to analyze my life and I found out I wanted to have a date or a boyfriend just because society demanded it. I am seventeen and I need to have a boyfriend, why? Because everyone else has one. Society keeps giving us clues of what we are supposed to do at a certain age not only with love but with life, at twenty two you need to have a job or at twenty eight you have to be engaged.

A few months ago I broke up with my two-month boyfriend, I realize I was with him not because I was lonely but because I felt happy society finally acknowledged me. Society saw me like someone who could love and be loved in return. What everyone finally told me was that I was worth nothing if I didn't have a boyfriend.

It's sad how little we have evolved, if you look back; society always changed everyone. You can't be gay because you are not worth it, you can't study medicine because you are too dumb, you have to be married in order to hang out with us... So to you I ask "What is wrong with us?"

I have to believe love is real. I have to believe there is a prince out there waiting for me, I have to. I need to. I need to believe this world is more than just bones and flesh, that there's more than just sadness and misery. I need to believe that love letters can still be written, that roses are a symbol of love, that first kisses still exist and most of all I need to believe you are out there.

I'd like to live in a place were my daughter feels safe to say she is gay or feel free to do whatever she wants. I'd like to live in a world where suicide disappears, where society accepts you no matter what.

So to you out there think for a moment before you judge, don't be scared if you are all alone it doesn't matter. Don't settle for less than you deserve, don't be afraid. Go to medicine school or art school or do whatever the hell you want, but do it with your heart.

To you out there, prove me I'm wrong. Prove me that love exists.

A Wall Not So Empty

I look up and find myself staring at an empty wall in my room with the caption "Trophies"

I let my body rest in the bed, the thin line between being a complete looser and a honored winner. 

A drop of water falls in front of my eyes and I know this is not what I expected from life. 

I explore every inch of my life and try to figure out what i've done to own this empty wall

Sad music plays in the room and I begin to feel depressed

My mom calls me for dinner but I tell her I'm not hungry, she instantly thinks I'm anorexic. 

That popular substance still runs through my veins and I try to recall what happened last night. 

I remember being on a party, everyone was drinking and having fun. I took some shots and suddenly I remember; that conversation. How could I forget? 

He was standing in front of me while I was trying to get to my friends, behind him my friends were making fun of him. I couldn't do anything but laugh and he just wasn't getting to the root of the conversation. 

"I'm disappointed on you" he tells me while I roll my eyes, every time is the same, he tells me how much I deserve but does nothing to fulfill me. I try to stay focused, after all those shots of tequila it's hard to keep my balance. A song plays in the back and I immediately feel the urge to dance. He holds me and makes me look at him. 

"Why are you so afraid of success? You had everything and suddenly you let someone else take the winnings? " I try to think but I can't. What is he saying? That I'm a coward? 

I say goodbye and go to my friends. I start dancing and I feel like crying. Later on, I dance with someone. He holds me, touches me and I feel safe. 

I return to the room with an empty wall. I am a coward. I am so afraid of success and so used to failure. I make a system and I keep my life together. Goals, Achievements, Dreams, Failures are some of the captions I create in my mind. All I can think is how empty that wall feels. 

I remember something; a prize. A badge at the top of my closet. I used to do horseback riding and I felt so good, I remember winning that medal many years ago. First place. 

I quickly run for it, it's still there, rusty and full of dust but still there. I let out a small weep and hold the medal close to my body. I run downstairs and find a nail. 

The green and golden prize rests against the wall. Hope is written all over it.

 I sit and look up, I no longer see an empty wall. 

Misery

The feeling of drowning comes hand by hand with the emptiness I discover deep inside of me. I look around me and find everything falling apart, what do you do when everything around you breaks suddenly? I look at the sky and pray to a god I'm not sure it exists.

 I pray he gives me the strength to swim instead of drown, to help me set my life in order and to help me make things right. Unfortunately, I don't believe in that god anymore; how different everything would be if I did. I find myself all alone with no one to hold or love. 

I try to have faith, faith in life but somehow that faith seems to disappear. The truth is I'm exhausted of having faith, I'm exhausted of seeing everyone who is close to me have a better life than I do. Don't get me wrong, I love them and I'm happy for them and I would give them everything. But then one day this crazy thought comes to your mind "She\He looks so happy, I wish I felt the same" and then you wonder why am I stuck in this whole and can't come out? Why is everybody moving on and I can't keep my pace? Why am I not receiving what I once fought so hard for?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just my pure imagination, but the emptiness I feel; that can't be just an illusion can it? Am I going mad? Missing someone I never had to begin with? Feeling so lonely when there's a house full of people? Feeling out of place every time I walk in? 

Misery is just one step ahead of me. 

Valentine's Day?

I wrote this story for Valentine's day, I know most of you won't like it because it'a a little aggressive but society is facing this kind of problems and we need to do something. 

This short story is based on a quote I found earlier:

"How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"

Enjoy! Happy Valentine's Day

He grabs my wrist and pulls me closer. I try to break free but he is just too strong, he pushes me towards him holding my hips.

I know what will happen next, I just know. I can't think straight because fear has me paralyzed.

" I told you it's over" I say pushing him.

"It's not over until I say it's over" he answers grabbing my hair. He pushes me and I fall to the ground. I stay there trying to think a way of running away. He looks at me and kicks me, I feel an excruciating pain in the stomach.

I try to escape even if its just with my mind. I think of a green field with flowers and sun, my brother appears right next to me he gives me a dandelion and a smile. I kiss him and thank him.

I wake up with a punch in my face. I look at him and hit him hard, a bluish bruise appears in his right eye. I run, as fast as I can but he is faster, I yell for help but no one seems to care. He starts to unzip my jeans but I just kick him as hard as I can. He is more angry than before and he threatens to kill me.

"Kill me, go ahead I don't care" I answer slapping him. He seems so tired of fighting with me that he just gives me a forced kiss and leaves me lying there. He closes the door behind him and lock me in his basement.

He returns with handcuffs and a rope. I'm scared, you don't have to be a scientist to know what will happen next. In the corner I spot a baseball bat, immediately hope runs through me. I remain silent and hope he handcuffs me near.

I remember the first date we had, he invited me to the cinema. He was so nice with me, he opened my car door, he held my hand. I kissed him for the first time near my door, I was so happy to have found him.

He comes near me and grabs my hands, he helps me stand up and he grabs my butt, I feel so raped right now all I want to do is cry. I don't even look at him and he gives me another forced kiss, I feel his tongue trying to taste every part of my body

After he touched me, he handcuffs me to a chair, the good part is that the baseball bat is near. I try to think, but nothing comes to my mind. He gets closer and removes my pants. I kick him in the face and he waits a moment to look up; I see red mark beside his lips.

I stay there all night; he just comes once in a while to check on me and I try not to look at him.

I hear sirens coming close and I know I'm safe now. My mother must have called the police, I know she has me in find my friends on my iPhone so that gives me a better time.

I won't ever forget the look in his eyes trying to taking in every part of my body. Most of the people who I've talked to tell me love is powerful but when I think back I know love isn't what drove my ex boyfriend to almost rape me; but obsession was.

Forgotten

Broken smile, tangled hair and dirty clothes.

I came into her room; it was noon she was still in her pajamas and she wouldn't move.

"Hey, come on. It's time" I say

"It's amazing how no one remembers me, how I've been lying here for the past weeks and no one even gives me a call" she answers

"Look, I know it's harsh and I understand you but you have to move on" a smile filled with irony appears in her face

"You understand me? When was the last time you got sick? I'm sorry but you don't know a thing about my life. Have you ever thought on how many people will give a damn if you just disappeared? It's amazing huh? How in one moment people will eventually forget you, how even though you have been a good person people will still move on. Because at the end, life doesn't stop for anybody. Everyone tells you how sad and painful death is but no one tells you what happens next: people move on, they forget about you. So let me be forgotten and leave me alone"

"Yes, you are forgotten by people but that's the important thing"

"What?" She answers astonished.

I slowly move next to her and look at her.

"People will forget you, they will move on and eventually they will die too. But the important thing is to leave something worth remembering. If you don't want to be forgotten well then you have to make something or be someone that no one will ever forget. Even though things change people will remember you and even though it's just for a second; for that second you were something to someone, and that's what matters. So yes, I will leave you here but just remember that every minute  you waste lying here in your bed doing nothing, someone out there is making something worth remembering. You know how many people have died or lived? There are so many I can't even tell you, but figures like Einstein or Ghandi are the ones that transcend, those are the ones that you remember. You think it was easy for them? of course not because everything in this life has a prize and I'm not talking about money, you have to be ready to pay the prize or just live as a normal person"

The Magic Of Writing

That's the thing you don't understand, you don't have to live all this adventures in order to write about them. That's where the magic begins, you write all about who you want to be or where you want to live and then for a moment; even if its just for a brief one you become that person.

Burning Memories.

I stand before the fire holding the last memory I ever wrote about you, a tear slips down my cheek. I can hear the thunder and I know a storm is coming. Suddenly I remember every moment I spent with you, my heart aches. I make up my mind; no more suffering for you, no more thinking of what could have happened and most of all no more unread stories about you. 

The fire grows stronger once I burn the story you gave me, I watch it consume itself, leaving nothing but ashes. A drop of water falls over my hair, I look up and breathe leaving behind every moment I spent with you. I cry not because I lost you but because I can't recognize the girl I see in the mirror anymore. 

Truth be told, I forgive you. Not for her, not for you, but for me. I forgive you and I understand what you did, I accept it and I move on. Today I grant you not only my forgiveness but your freedom.

One day a dear friend told me something I will never forget in my life, we were talking about love and about misery. I told her it wasn't fair how life worked, how one day you are perfectly happy and the other you are all by yourself choking in misery. She looked at me in the eye and said 

"Every person has the ability to change how he reacts towards certain situations. I believe misery can be enjoyed and should be enjoyed, whenever I'm alone and sad I just look at myself and laugh because I know I'm suffering for nothing and I make fun of myself because it's ridiculous how people are suffering from real pain and I'm crying over a stupid relationship" 

 From that moment on I laugh at myself, I enjoy my misery and I try to be happy about my situation and if I'm not happy about it, I change it. 

That's the best thing you can do- change. 

Destiny or Coincidence?

It was about this time of the year when I first saw her, my heart immediately knew; she was definitely the one. She was wearing a pink dress with a cardigan, she had red hair and dark brown eyes. I stare at her and the more I looked, the more I fell in love.

It was a typical day in my life, my mom asked me to get some groceries for that night. I was in my way when I found this old library. Since that summer I always collect old books with some inscription. That day I found one of my favorites; "To Kill A Mockingbird"  

I saw her so concentrated looking at books and old things, I didn't wanted to get in her way so I sat down in the little coffee house next to the shop.

"To my dearest lover, 
I wanted you to read something from my childhood. 
I love you, 
Samantha" 

The first page has this inscription, not only my name is Samantha just like this girls dedicatory but "To Kill A Mockingbird" is one of my favorite childhood books. I was checking out when the cashier told me this book was on sale and it was only two and a half dollars. I smiled and felt so lucky. 

I ordered a coffee and a lemon ice cake. I was so happy to have found this girl, I don't know how to explain it, it's like one day you take a look at this person and you know that destiny has played his part on your life. I remembered what happened this morning with my dad and felt so angry, my mom caught him drinking again and he was so drunk that he almost killed my mom. I helped my mom and tucked in my dad into bed.

I grabbed my book and went to the grocery store. On my way out the bag broke and my book fell into the ground. A guy came running and picked it up for me, I smiled and thanked him. He looked kind of happy but sad at the same time, he was brunette and had blue eyes. He was handsome, I have to admit. And I was so flattered he helped me with my book. 

Eventually, I asked her out. She wasn't thrilled with the idea of going out with me, she was a mystery; she told me to wait for her because she wasn't ready. I didn't exactly understood her but I asked for her number anyway. She gave it to me and walked away to the grocery store.

He asked me out but I told him no, I wasn't ready to be honest; I was more focused on my future and on my career. I just finished high school and I started college in the fall. Also, my parents didn't wanted any distraction because I just started french and horseback riding classes. 

So I went home, wondering about the girl with the red hair and a pink dress. Little did I know she would turned out to be the love of my life. Will you call it destiny or coincidence? I think a tea spoon of both.

A few months later, I received a call. 

When You Break Someone's Heart..

My heart was racing because I knew it was time for us to face the truth. It all started with a comment.

"Have you noticed you haven't been wearing my sweatshirt at all?"

I remained silent. He asked me to be completely honest with him and sadly, I was.

"My dearest friend,

When you break someone's heart for the first time you break your own. I haven't been completely honest with you but the truth is I am so tired of lying and postponing  what we know will happen. You told me to be honest with you so this is me trying. When we first meet I expected nothing from you but pure friendship and then we ended up being something more. I was so happy with the idea of having someone, I felt so lonely and I thought you were the solution but sadly, you were only an excuse. I am sorry for not telling you sooner but I just found out myself. I hope one day you can find someone who loves you just the way you loved me. I can't be the girl you expected me to be, but I hope one day you find that girl.

I wish you the best and it's time to let me go"

Words came out so naturally, so quickly. I guess my heart was the one who spoke that time. I didn't expected him to understand, I just expected him to move on.

It's not nice; breaking someone's heart, but as life everything happens for a reason. I have no regrets and I hope he doesn't either. Life will go on and I really do hope he is happy.

People often ask me what I felt during the relationship and with honesty I can answer that I felt- overwhelmed.  I won't lie to you, I loved him, I really did. But that love was lost, broken, my heart couldn't feel the same way. I miss him, but as I told him, I have to move on.

I really hope no one feels like this- Because when you break someone's heart, you break your own.




Illustrated by: Ivanna Vera 

The Evil Part *Illustrated*

There's a side of me, 
A side I will never understand
A side so dark that I'm afraid to explore

My right side tells me to always remain conscious  
But then my bad side tells to ignore it and to do it my way 

The bad side kicks in mostly at night where the dreams are lost and forgotten 
My nightmares come running for me, telling me to get lost with them 

My right side tries to save me but the nightmare are just to strong. They tell me to stop resisting the temptation and to live life without regrets. My right side holds into the idea of a new start, where everything is perfect. 

But then the bad side comes in and tells me there is no new start, there will never be a new start. 
My mind can't decide which side is the right one and which one is wrong. 

And just when I thought the bad side had me, 
The right side is still there somewhere 

Illustration by: Ariadna Cherit 

Concupiscence *Illustrated*

Embrace my loneliness
and cuddle with it
Silent waves crashing
against my body

Shield my dreams
Hide them, hide them
From the world and
Protect them from thieves

Close those soft eyes
Cover them with darkness
Let the kiss remain
And rush only your lips

Hold my hopes and
Let them guide you
Maybe after all,
Your soul will discover
What your mind couldn't bear

 

Ilustration by Ana Pichardo
Contact Information:

Facebook: Ana Pich
Instagram: 28peaches

For You,

I fill my time with things to do 
and for a moment, I stop thinking of you 
Everything around me reminds me of those nights
Where the moon filled our hearts with love 

I look at the stars and remember 
Those memories come to me instantly 
The temptation of calling you gives me a hard time 
But every time I think of you , I know you are thinking of me too 

I like to imagine our hearts are together
Even though we are a thousand miles apart
I call it our world, where the skies are blue 
And I spend the days listening to your poetry 

Side by side, hand by hand
Usually we are in a big green field 
Where your voice soothes my mind 
And I feel your heartbeat just beneath my touch 

All those feelings go away 
Once I notice you are not here anymore 
My heart again, fills with lonesome 

Our love is something I can never explain
You asked me to write something 
You gave me a pen,a notebook and a goodbye kiss
But somehow, 
26 letters aren't enough to express how I feel about you

I keep remembering that night, 
Where you looked at me and smiled 
"I wrote you something" You said, kissing my hand 
The feeling of guilt came when I had nothing prepared

I still have a thousand days to write something 
But every time I think of you 
I end up smiling at a blank piece of paper

Illustration by: Fernanda Carrillo

Contact Information: 

Intagram: Fer_C 

Mail: FerCarillo@hotmail.com 

The Bitterness Of Suicide, Last Part

The Last Part

A few years have past and things have changed among them. After the funeral, he asked the best friend out, they stayed up all night talking and sharing. She learned so much from him and him from her. He understood things no one else could about life, love, destiny, desire and most of all about himself.

Finally, the boyfriend asked her best friend to marry her. She was suprised but she knew he was the love of her life.

After the engagement she disapeared. They found her sobbing and sitting at her best friend´s grave. He came closer to her and hugged her, she couldn´t look at him, she felt as if she had betrayed her.

"What´s wrong'" he asks giving her a kiss

"What if she would still be alive? Would you have asked me to marry you if she was still here? I was the first girl you saw after she died and I´ve been the only one since then. Do you really think we are doing the right thing? Becuase it doesn´t feel like it, It feels like she is disappointed on me, on us"

He started thinking about what she said, he knew she was right.

"Look at me" he says standing up and helping her. She couldn´t, she just couldn´t. Finally, she gave in and looked at him.

"Don´t ever think about the ¨what if¨ because that didn´t happen. She is not disappointed on you, she loved you, she wanted you to have the best and I can give you the best. You were the only girl I asked out after the accident and I have never been more grateful of my choices, you have to understand. We are not betryaing her, if she was still here I would´ve been with you anyway, because I believe in destiny. I believe you and I were meant to be. I regret the way we met because I had my eyes all swollen up and you had mascara ruined from all the crying. I have never felt so loved in my whole life and you did that for me. Instead of asking yourself what have happened think of how much I love you and want to be with you"

She was speachless, she knew it was true. She looked at him with love and gave him the most tender kiss ever, he felt happy to have her and he felt like he could comfort her.

So when she looked at his eyes and say "I do" in the asile, she felt her best friend by her side, supporting the newly weds. All she could think of was those last two words

"I´m sorry" although she wishes she could only change those two words to "Thank you"

Illustrated by: Pau Perezalonso 

Contact information:

Mail:  pauperezalonso@hotmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pau.perezalonso 

Psychosis

I look down at what seems to be a body lying dead beneath me, in my hand I hold a knife dripping with blood. I remember now, I was at my apartment when someone-Suzan- called, she told me about her sad life, she was sobbing. I tried to calmed her but she wouldn't listen instead, I just continued watching my daily dose of "Kitchen Nightmares" with Gordon Ramsay. I remember seeing the way he kept cutting  the pig who unfortunately, was about to be cooked; he sliced the knife with such elegance I wished I could've imitate him.

Then I heard something, Suzan told me those words in which I knew I had to do something.

"Just kill me" She said.

I grabbed my keys and went to her apartment, on my way out I grabbed the kitchen knife and sharpen it. I was thinking how I was going to slice open her chest and grab the heart with my own hands, still beating. I couldn't contain the desire she awaken within me.

I drived and drived until finally I arrived, she opened the door thinking I was there to comfort her. She turned around and went for a package of tissues, she blowed her nose; twice. She kept telling me her deepest sorrows then she told me to sit with her. I left my bag with the knife on the kitchen table and tried to calm myself. I listened to the whole story; her mother just died, her sister was a drug addict, her three year relationship just died and they fired her from work. That's not all, she had to pay the rent and had no money. I felt sorry for her, I really did.

I looked up and saw a gun sitting in her closet and immediately I thought about suicide. I couldn't let Suzan die, not this way. She kept repeating those words

"Just K I L L me"

I gave her a bottle of wine and some chocolate, we laughed and laughed. After a while, she fell asleep, i woke her up with the knife cutting her skin. She immediately reacted and walked to the living room, I was trying to keep her calm but she wouldn't listen.

"This is my gift to you; you will die honorably. Not through suicide" I kept yelling.

Eventually, I had to come for her. I told her to say hello to everyone in heaven. She started sobbing even more, I knew I had to do something quick, free her from the pain she was feeling. I gave her a kiss in the head and said my goodbyes. I imagined I was Gordon Ramsay slicing the pig's head, and for a moment I though of cooking her, but that would've been way too mean.

I just call the police and tell them everything, they soon arrive to the house and take me to prison. I smile and I know I did the right thing. I couldn't let her feel that pain, now she is happy in heaven. So in court if they ask why I did it, I will simply answer with the truth; I did my friend Suzan a favor, she asked me to kill her and so I did.

Illustrated by: Sebastian Davila 

Contact Information: artsebastiandavila@yahoo.com 

http://www.facebook.com/TheArtOfSebastianDavila 

http://www.flickr.com/people/artsebastiandavila/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/artsebastiandavila/

Winter *Illustrated*

Winter, that's all it is
Cold and grey winter,
The world said spring,
But my heart said winter

Empty and alone,
Winter said hello,
Cold air running through my veins
And in your absence
My heart shivers

In this coldest season,
The gloomy skies
Filled with melancholy
Keep me company

Then the sun ascends,
With you here
My soul defrosts
And my vision grows

But time pronounced
Only the death of those
Holding and keeping safe
The devotion towards love

The feeling of nakedness
Walks behind me
Leading me towards
The path, destiny prepared

And at the end winter holds me,
Chilling every inch of my body,
And keeping me from slipping away
With summer.

Illustrated by Camila Gomez Pimienta , thank you for being not only a sister but a friend.

If you'd like to contact the artist here is the information:

Mail: camigopi@hotmail.com

Facebook: Camila Gomez P. Orleansky

The Bitterness Of Suicide P3

Part 3

She knew what have happened because of him. He called her late at night, he thought he needed to and she was thankful for that. She was most of all angry, how could her best friend do something like this? They were supposed to be best friends, she was supposed to trust her everything.

She remembers the last time she saw her- they were on her house talking about life and she suddenly feels pain, how come she never noticed the cuts in her wrist?

She goes straight to her mother where she holds her trying to comfort her but she still feels shallow.

The next day she wears a little black dress to the funeral and she has prepared a speech. Before she goes up, the boyfriend of the dead one offers some words.

He takes the microphone and with a shy smile he begins.

"I remember when I first met her, she was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, she had her hair tied up in a  pony tail and she was reading "To Kill A Mockingbird". I kept thinking, how come this beautiful and mysterious girl be alone? And so I came up to her and offered her my world. I won't lie to you, I am very much sad but when I came earlier to her house I felt something- I felt her. I knew she wanted me to tell you that she is okay, that she decided to do this because she thought she had no other way. I have been thinking the past days of what happened and I can tell you that no one had the fault. I was the last person she saw and I feel proud about that, I feel proud because she gave me her last words.

I must say this is a tragedy- but instead of crying we should smile because we got the pleasure to meet her. Today I understood something I never thought I could"

She sits on the front row, waiting for her time to go up, but suddenly she takes a look at the casket and a tear comes running through her cheek. Flashbacks of her life with her best friend come to her mind, every moment they spent together like a movie only they could see. When the flashbacks are over she looks up and listens carefully.

"I sat in her bed and listened. Something strange happened, just as I was about to stand up-I heard something"

She waits for those words, looking up at the night filled with stars, she suddenly hears them

"I'm sorry"

She doesn't believe in ghosts or paranormal things but she felt like this was the most powerful whisper he must have heard. People in the crowd were crying or talking they seem shallow towards this two words, but her heart accepts them and she doesn't feel angry anymore. She stands up and looks at her dead body, she smiles at her and thanks her for those beautiful memories no one else has.

Fading Away

I stand in the dark
A shadow appears just above my feet
I feel the night, but somehow, I'm not afraid

The stars cast a special shine today
While the moon rests faithfully

My words beg me to listen
My mind tries to ignore them
A hissing sound rises from the corner
I know it's him who comes for me

He moves gracefully towards me
My eyes are trying to adjust to all this darkness
While my legs walk with clumsiness

A chilly breeze blows beside me
My body trembles

He founds me and embraces me
I take off my mask and so does he.
I look at him; knowing my predictions were right.

I kiss him one more time before
I put on my mask again

He tries to stop me, but I run.
I take one last look at what could have been my dream
All the candles blow out with my departure
I slowly disappear into the darkness, fading away like the wind.

 

Paradise.

The skies are filled with temptation
My feet are buried under the sand
And every time a wave comes I sink deeper

I hear a noise, a seagull is flying ahead of me
She elevates with elegance, moving her wings back and forward

I close my eyes;breathing the salty air
I see myself as her; floating above the sea
I lift up my arms, mimicking her and feeling like her

The world remains silent
Meanwhile my body relaxes as my mind clears
I feel peace

Suddenly a voice wakes me up,
He calls my name through the window
My body tenses with stress as my feet try to free themselves from the sand

The feeling of guilt comes back
As soon as I rinse myself I climb through the stairs,
He gives me a kiss

I look at the sea and remember how it felt like being a seagull and suddenly I realize my life as a seagull is way much easier than my real life. 

The Power Of Purple

I was wearing my purple dress for my aunt's wedding when I saw someone in the corner of my eye. A little boy was sitting in the lake, thinking. I told Patrick to wait for me and so I sat beside him. He gave me a look and continued kicking the water.

I just sat there in silence, thinking. He gave me peace- inner peace, it's amazing how calmed and relaxed I felt besides him and even though we didn't say a thing, I felt his energy. Suddenly our eyes met, his eyes were bright blue but inside of them I could see only one color- Purple.

I once read that ancient mythology explains how the color purple reflects peace and satisfaction. Patrick could see how relaxed I was so he went with my family, I took off my shoes and started kicking the water just as the little boy did. I sighed and forgot about the world. For a moment, everything was perfect.

The little boy suddenly left, I was so concerned about him leaving that I almost didn't notice the purple flower that was sitting right next to me. I didn't saw him again, but for those brief moments I am grateful. Later on my life got better ; whenever I had a problem I used to think about the little boy in the lake, my job had a certain stability and Patrick had just proposed (our wedding is in two weeks).

I like to think that little boy is my angel, he knew exactly when I needed him and so he made an appearance. Whenever I think of my aunt's wedding the only thing that comes to my mind is Purple.

Feeling Out Of Place

So yesterday I was surfing the internet when I found this awesome page called

 http://thewritepractice.com/ 

where I started to make my own writing workbook. The first exercise really caught my attention and it said: When have you felt out of place? Write a short story about it. So I did, I hope you enjoy it! 

Feeling out of place 

The sound of the coffee machine make me nervous, everything around me feels so unpleasant. I was waiting all day for him, he told me he would meet me at five pm, it's six. The lady sited next to me keeps chewing an old piece of gum; making a noise so loud that I'm trying not to kill her. 

My book keeps resting in my lap reminding me, that I need to study for a math test I have tomorrow. The waitress keeps asking me If I want more coffee but my mug seems to drain every second she's not here. 

The horrible smell of the person seated next to my table makes me want to throw up. Every time someone walks through the door I hope it's him, my head keeps track of the dirty words I have planned because of his delay. 

Finally, he walks through the door and unfortunately, he is not alone. A few guys from what seems to be a soccer team keep him company making me feel twice as awkward. He smells like an old bar and his clothes seem like he has been on a fight. He kisses me and introduces me to his friends, proud, he grabs my hand and flatters me. 

All his friends keep watching every movement I make. My stomach feels like I have had enough coffee and so I order the check. 

I am ready to go home and study when he takes my receipt and asks one of his friends for money, he pays my seven dollar bill. 

My mind can't believe this is happening, so I just thank the friend who actually paid and give him a hatred look. He begs me to stay but I reject him. He kept on saying things like "You are not worth it" 

That was the last time I ever saw him. 

When You Break Someone's Heart...

My heart was racing because I knew it was time for us to face the truth. It all started with a comment.

"Have you noticed you haven't been wearing my sweatshirt at all?"

I remained silent. He asked me to be completely honest with him and sadly, I was.

"My dearest friend,

When you break someone's heart for the first time you break your own. I haven't been completely honest with you but the truth is I am so tired of lying and postponing  what we know will happen. You told me to be honest with you so this is me trying. When we first meet I expected nothing from you but pure friendship and then we ended up being something more. I was so happy with the idea of having someone, I felt so lonely and I thought you were the solution but sadly, you were only an excuse. I am sorry for not telling you sooner but I just found out myself. I hope one day you can find someone who loves you just the way you loved me. I can't be the girl you expected me to be, but I hope one day you find that girl.

I wish you the best and it's time to let me go"

Words came out so naturally, so quickly. I guess my heart was the one who spoke that time. I didn't expected him to understand, I just expected him to move on.

It's not nice; breaking someone's heart, but as life everything happens for a reason. I have no regrets and I hope he doesn't either. Life will go on and I really do hope he is happy.

People often ask me what I felt during the relationship and with honesty I can answer that I felt- overwhelmed.  I won't lie to you, I loved him, I really did. But that love was lost, broken, my heart couldn't feel the same way. I miss him, but as I told him, I have to move on.

I really hope no one feels like this- Because when you break someone's heart, you break your own.

Funny Experiment

I went to a cruise with my family and my dad's wife has a son who I hadn't seen in 6 months, he writes poetry as well and he is always asking for criticism.

We were on the last night of the trip when we decided to write a poem together, each one wrote a sentence and it all came together in one big poem. If you really analyze it, it's amazing how we both have different ideas of what this poem might mean but at the same time it all comes together. Try to guess which sentences are mine and which are his.

I hope you enjoy it

Untitled 

We decided to make it new, we play with you. We tried to make it different, special. We had fish for food, for dinner, the sinner. Silently, we ate in shame, knowing we did the best we could. The water it used to swim in is now what washes him down, oh my sweet quarter pound. Heaven banned them both while hell accepted them with greetings. Fishy meetings between god and satan. Negotiating, which punishment will be adequate for the aberration they committed. They started fine but had fruity substances for deities and so finished seated. See satan she said in bed when the two canoodled in the nude, oh, when heaven and hell embrace their tales. One last choice; one last judgment where the rest of their soul's life was being determined. She will go to heaven, he will go to hell; they couldn't decide how. Instead, to settle de misunderstanding, both were sent straight to hell, where the dark one greeted them once again with pleasure. 

If you were wondering his name is Nicolas Polit, he doesn't have a blog but you can read his poems when they are published.

The Evil Part

There's a side of me, 
A side I will never understand
A side so dark that I'm afraid to explore

My right side tells me to always remain conscious  
But then my bad side tells to ignore it and to do it my way 

The bad side kicks in mostly at night where the dreams are lost and forgotten 
My nightmares come running for me, telling me to get lost with them 

My right side tries to save me but the nightmare are just to strong. They tell me to stop resisting the temptation and to live life without regrets. My right side holds into the idea of a new start, where everything is perfect. 

But then the bad side comes in and tells me there is no new start, there will never be a new start. 
My mind can't decide which side is the right one and which one is wrong. 

And just when I thought the bad side had me, 
The right side is still there somewhere