The White Serum

I slowly inject the white serum, the liquid moves rapidly through my veins and suddenly, I'm there. The place smells awful and the room is way too crowded. I remember mostly everything, but living this again with no alcohol makes a difference. I approach my sister and she gives me the most disgusting look I've ever received in my life. My hand does not belong to me and I quickly remember; I'm with him. I look down and realize my skirt is way too short, I try to pull it down and act normal. He looks at me and plants a kiss in my forehead. We move together through the crowd when my mother suddenly appears, she looks at me and smiles. Seeing this again makes my heart shiver; she looks like she approves my sudden change of plans. I kiss her and go straight to the dance floor, the waiter comes close and gives us two shots of tequila, he takes both and thanks the waiter. He takes the first one, he bites a lemon and gives me the second one. I drink the tequila and get close to him; I bite the lemon off his lips and wink at him. Seeing myself like this makes me want to never drink again, I look so ridiculously awful. He gets closer and kisses my neck, I smile and hug him closer to me. We dance most of the night. He makes me laugh and I am way too vulnerable, seeing the way I watch him makes me drop a tear of sadness. In the distance I see my friend calling us and I walk towards her. I take a few more shots and he tells me he has to go to the bathroom, he slowly gives me a tender kiss and I act like nothing is happening. When he returns, I motion him to come closer and I kiss him, this time rougher. My hands are all over him and he moves closer to me. I feel so distant and disgusted with myself, seeing the way I'm kissing him, the way he is touching every part of my body. What makes me the saddest is realizing that he is playing with me, that he didn't wanted anything more than a hook up. Later on, we act like a couple. He gives me kisses and holds my hand, I pretend to talk to somebody while my sister is watching us. The effect of the white serum is starting to pass out and I feel weak and nauseated. How can I have not seen the whole picture of how ridiculous I looked that night? Living this all over again just makes me sad, a memory that was precious to me has now become a disappointment.

That's The Thing

That's the thing with feeling lonely, someone who doesn't love you comes and gives you a kiss and your hope shoots straight to the sky. You think he actually will ask you out, you start making stories about how you'll go out with him and eventually become  a couple.