Unspoken Words

I couldn’t evince my feelings towards you.

The words wouldn’t egress.

My deepest sorrow and my repulsive grief

Running through my body

Feeling every part of the revolting sense of panic

The brief moment that no one expected

The moment in which the stars stop to glitter

In which the moon appeared to be tendered

And the impression of us was inaccurate.

I regret my thoughtless actions

My clumsy dreams under the blanket of stars

Most of all I regret not saying anything at all

Not daring to even try to emit a word

I regret not saying anything at all

Final Memories

Dead leaves collide under my footsteps 

The sound they create make my pace slow down 

While the wind takes away my sorrow 

The sun gives me the feeling of joy once again. 

My fingers slowly brush away the dead leaves

Discovering a box full of memories 

The antique experiences make themselves present 

An old photograph showing a portrait of love 

A rusty wedding ring 

The withered bloom covered with a gray ribbon 

Remind me of a story never told 

Through the years the rain washed away 

All the dirt in which the box was covered

Leaving it naked and unprotected from the world 

I close the lid and hide it once again

Protecting it with all the love of my heart 

Time will take away all this memories

And soon the box will be nothing

The wind will get rid of the despair  

As the sun will of hope

Time will judge

The process of closure 

Because at the end, 

We are nothing 

 

The Bitterness Of Suicide P2

Part Two

He found out a few days ago. He was devastated and he kept thinking it was his fault.  There's a book resting in his lap, a coffee mug half empty and an old photograph showing the girl who passed away.

He looks at the picture one more time; the girl is smiling and hugging him. He wonders how could everything end this way. He lets out a small tear which later lands in the old book. He hides the old memory and drinks the forgotten cold coffee.

He finds himself locked in the coffee shop. He returns the mug to the waitress and runs, the aged photograph falls from his lap but he doesn't care. He leaves it there to die, like she did.

He arrives at her house; her mother greets him with tenderness. He asks for answers but she doesn't give in, instead she leads him to her room. Everything is as he remembers; the bed is slightly messy and stained with blood, her blood. He remembers the cuts in her wrist, the old razor blade is in the drawer next to her bed.

He sighs remembering every moment, every minute he had holding her and keeping her safe from her own nightmares.

If only he would've told her how much he loved her, she wouldn't have done what she did. In the same spot where she killed herself is where he lays down, after a while he could feel her. He could feel her pain, her loneliness, the madness which lead her to her own funeral. He takes a slow breath and closes his eyes, he feels her pain but he also feels the love he gave to her. He knows she is here with him tonight;the electricity of a slow touch slowly embraces him.

Silence filled up the room leaving him alone with his own thoughts. He experiences some moments of sadness but also happiness thinking back.

He hears something, a whisper maybe. He feels the pain but he accepts it wasn't his fault, almost before he gets up the whisper fills the air.

"I'm sorry"

He knows it's her voice, he smiles and accepts that he has to move on. He is exiting the room when he looks back and says

"I'm closing the door, if that's okay with you" He blows one last kiss and leaves behind every sad memory he had.

The Bitterness Of Suicide

Part One

She is in the bed staring at the dead end wall when suddenly someone is at the door, she turns her head and her mother comes in.

"You have a visitor" she opens the door

She tries to stop her but her mother is already in. Her mother leaves the room giving them some privacy and some time to talk.

He comes closer to her bed and kisses her, she keeps her eyes locked in the wall.

"Your mother told me"  He lies down next to her, when she doesn't answer he continues

"What the hell happened? You were doing so well" he keeps talking but suddenly a voice in the background stops him.

"Nothing is wrong with me so just leave me alone and close the door in your way out" she answers, with no activity in her eyes.

He tries to steal her hand but she won't give in. He keeps trying and she doesn't have the strength to fight him, she eventually gives in. He holds her hand and turns it, he sees them; the cuts in her wrist.

He then looks at her demanding an explanation. She suddenly moves her head and looks at him for the first time; his hair is messy, he has a fragile tear in his right eye but he won't let it out.

"What do you expect from me?" she answers with a sad voice.

"Stop doing this, you are hurting yourself, can't you see?" He holds up her hand and shows her the cuts, like she hasn't seen them already.

She is silent, she doesn't want to talk to him, but he insists.

"I have to take extreme measures because this is not good for you" He stops looks at her and continues "I won't see you ever again if you continue to slice open your wrists, you have to get better. Call me when you decide to change" He gives her a final kiss and exits through the door.

She looks at her night stand, there is an orange pill holder waiting for her. Anti-depresants. She takes all the pills in the container and swallows them, there must have been at least thirty of them. She waits for the moment in which her heart will stop. She looks up and whispers not to herself but to the world

"I'm sorry"

The feeling of loving you

"Am I really THAT predictable?" I ask ashamed

"And that beautiful" he answers while he takes a step closer.

Our eyes meet and my heart trembles. Our lips slowly touch and even though it's just for a second, that second means everything. December is still in the air, the cold wind brushes his way towards us. The time we spent under the moon was the time I fell in love with him, every inch of my body felt it, every bone reacted towards him, wanting more.

And for a moment, a brief one, I felt like the universe was perfect; the planets were aligned and the earth kept moving slowly, synchronized with our movements. Like our whole lives we were waiting for this brief moment were everything felt so perfect. We all waited so long for this moment, just for this brief seconds of passion and love.

We talked about our future, about our dreams, our experiences and most of all we talked about us. You grabbed my wrist and kissed my scars, and in that moment I knew you accepted me for who I am. You made me promise never to do it again, and I did...because from that moment on, I never needed to. I felt  like I had someone to rely on, and whenever something happened in my life all I waited was the moment where I got to tell you.


That night we felt asleep under the stars, holding each other and experiencing more love than most people would never know.

Two sides, Two Lives.

Another side, 
Another life, 
All those secrets 
Gathered in one room 

One mask and all
All you wanted can be 
All you thought,
Can change 

How about we have 
Two identities 
The second one 
Can be your lover

The mask of truth 
The mask where dreams are possible
One more time put on the mask 
Of hope

Concupiscence.

Embrace my loneliness
and cuddle with it
Silent waves crashing
against my body

Shield my dreams
Hide them, hide them
From the world and
Protect them from thieves

Close those soft eyes
Cover them with darkness
Let the kiss remain
And rush only your lips

Hold my hopes and
Let them guide you
Maybe after all,
Your soul will discover
What your mind couldn't bear

His side of the story.

"Don't you love the stars?"

She asks while I silently admire her figure. She lies there with her head in a pillow and eyes on the stars. I take a step closer and hug her, she keeps her eyes up in the night. Her dress is black and short, her hair is all messy and her mascara is ruined. The only thing that keeps me wondering is how beautiful she is; but she doesn't know. After a minute or two, we just stare at each other, we hold each other and keep warm under the stars. I feel a little guilty because I never got to tell her how awesome she is. She is just sixteen but her mind will travel places, her intelligence will guide her and her beauty will teach her. Tonight she forgot her book, she never does. I reach for her hand

"How come you don't have your book?" I ask

"Maybe it's time I start living my own adventures instead of reading others"

And that was it; the moment I fell in love with her.

Success

People always used to ask me "What is success?" and I always answered the same thing: money, love, good job, house, family. Until one day someone wouldn't take my answer he kept asking me over and over again, I went to sleep that night wondering and thinking. The next day I told him

"I know i've succeeded, when I am alone at my house drinking a glass of wine and having dinner. Knowing I have failed but also succeeded, loved and also hurt, that even though there were obstacles I achieved my goal and nothing stopped me. And even though my life is not over I know for sure I can handle anything that life has to offer"

Forbidden Love

He gave me his cynical look when I knew he wanted to talk to me. I followed him through the dark hall, we entered his room; everything was like I remembered. “I got a show you this video I made” He’s been obsessing with filming and video making. I took a seat in the chair in front of the computer, he pressed his mouth against my cheek; I felt the kiss everywhere, every inch of my body tensed with joy. I demanded an explanation of this sudden affection towards me, “Do you believe in destiny?” he asked whispering into my ear. But I was confused; what did destiny had to do with all this act of embracement? “I believe destiny wanted us to meet each other, to learn from one and other,” He said while possessing my hand. “I just don’t understand you” I said confused. “You don’t have to” he said pretty sure of himself “But I do, I do need to understand why are you doing this? You don’t say hello to my in prom, you don’t answer my inboxes you didn’t even say happy birthday last month” I said with a loud and firm voice, he started laughing and looking at me with pity, “What is so hilarious?” I said screaming. “Nothing, gosh you are so naïve” wait, what? “Why is that?” he looked at me and smiled while he was doing that he held my hips and hugged me. “Because I was doing all this to break your heart, I couldn’t stand talking to you, I was going to fall more and more in love with you; the family can’t suspect anything from us” I stared at him confused, and then in an instant I felt it; I felt the connection between us, I felt his touch, his mouth, his words. “Let’s just watch the video” he said dragging me to the chair I was first sited on, he sat by my side and held my hand “You are going to love this”. When the video finished I stared at him with a flat smile, we didn’t do much later, but in that spit of a second we were both one. 

Winter

Winter, that's all it is
Cold and grey winter,
The world said spring,
But my heart said winter

Empty and alone,
Winter said hello,
Cold air running through my veins
And in your absence
My heart shivers

In this coldest season,
The gloomy skies
Filled with melancholy
Keep me company

Then the sun ascends,
With you here
My soul defrosts
And my vision grows

But time pronounced
Only the death of those
Holding and keeping safe
The devotion towards love

The feeling of nakedness
Walks behind me
Leading me towards
The path, destiny prepared

And at the end winter holds me,
Chilling every inch of my body,
And keeping me from slipping away
With summer.