Misery

The feeling of drowning comes hand by hand with the emptiness I discover deep inside of me. I look around me and find everything falling apart, what do you do when everything around you breaks suddenly? I look at the sky and pray to a god I'm not sure it exists.

 I pray he gives me the strength to swim instead of drown, to help me set my life in order and to help me make things right. Unfortunately, I don't believe in that god anymore; how different everything would be if I did. I find myself all alone with no one to hold or love. 

I try to have faith, faith in life but somehow that faith seems to disappear. The truth is I'm exhausted of having faith, I'm exhausted of seeing everyone who is close to me have a better life than I do. Don't get me wrong, I love them and I'm happy for them and I would give them everything. But then one day this crazy thought comes to your mind "She\He looks so happy, I wish I felt the same" and then you wonder why am I stuck in this whole and can't come out? Why is everybody moving on and I can't keep my pace? Why am I not receiving what I once fought so hard for?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just my pure imagination, but the emptiness I feel; that can't be just an illusion can it? Am I going mad? Missing someone I never had to begin with? Feeling so lonely when there's a house full of people? Feeling out of place every time I walk in? 

Misery is just one step ahead of me.