Unspoken Words

I couldn’t evince my feelings towards you.

The words wouldn’t egress.

My deepest sorrow and my repulsive grief

Running through my body

Feeling every part of the revolting sense of panic

The brief moment that no one expected

The moment in which the stars stop to glitter

In which the moon appeared to be tendered

And the impression of us was inaccurate.

I regret my thoughtless actions

My clumsy dreams under the blanket of stars

Most of all I regret not saying anything at all

Not daring to even try to emit a word

I regret not saying anything at all

Final Memories

Dead leaves collide under my footsteps 

The sound they create make my pace slow down 

While the wind takes away my sorrow 

The sun gives me the feeling of joy once again. 

My fingers slowly brush away the dead leaves

Discovering a box full of memories 

The antique experiences make themselves present 

An old photograph showing a portrait of love 

A rusty wedding ring 

The withered bloom covered with a gray ribbon 

Remind me of a story never told 

Through the years the rain washed away 

All the dirt in which the box was covered

Leaving it naked and unprotected from the world 

I close the lid and hide it once again

Protecting it with all the love of my heart 

Time will take away all this memories

And soon the box will be nothing

The wind will get rid of the despair  

As the sun will of hope

Time will judge

The process of closure 

Because at the end, 

We are nothing 

 

The Bitterness Of Suicide P2

Part Two

He found out a few days ago. He was devastated and he kept thinking it was his fault.  There's a book resting in his lap, a coffee mug half empty and an old photograph showing the girl who passed away.

He looks at the picture one more time; the girl is smiling and hugging him. He wonders how could everything end this way. He lets out a small tear which later lands in the old book. He hides the old memory and drinks the forgotten cold coffee.

He finds himself locked in the coffee shop. He returns the mug to the waitress and runs, the aged photograph falls from his lap but he doesn't care. He leaves it there to die, like she did.

He arrives at her house; her mother greets him with tenderness. He asks for answers but she doesn't give in, instead she leads him to her room. Everything is as he remembers; the bed is slightly messy and stained with blood, her blood. He remembers the cuts in her wrist, the old razor blade is in the drawer next to her bed.

He sighs remembering every moment, every minute he had holding her and keeping her safe from her own nightmares.

If only he would've told her how much he loved her, she wouldn't have done what she did. In the same spot where she killed herself is where he lays down, after a while he could feel her. He could feel her pain, her loneliness, the madness which lead her to her own funeral. He takes a slow breath and closes his eyes, he feels her pain but he also feels the love he gave to her. He knows she is here with him tonight;the electricity of a slow touch slowly embraces him.

Silence filled up the room leaving him alone with his own thoughts. He experiences some moments of sadness but also happiness thinking back.

He hears something, a whisper maybe. He feels the pain but he accepts it wasn't his fault, almost before he gets up the whisper fills the air.

"I'm sorry"

He knows it's her voice, he smiles and accepts that he has to move on. He is exiting the room when he looks back and says

"I'm closing the door, if that's okay with you" He blows one last kiss and leaves behind every sad memory he had.

The Bitterness Of Suicide

Part One

She is in the bed staring at the dead end wall when suddenly someone is at the door, she turns her head and her mother comes in.

"You have a visitor" she opens the door

She tries to stop her but her mother is already in. Her mother leaves the room giving them some privacy and some time to talk.

He comes closer to her bed and kisses her, she keeps her eyes locked in the wall.

"Your mother told me"  He lies down next to her, when she doesn't answer he continues

"What the hell happened? You were doing so well" he keeps talking but suddenly a voice in the background stops him.

"Nothing is wrong with me so just leave me alone and close the door in your way out" she answers, with no activity in her eyes.

He tries to steal her hand but she won't give in. He keeps trying and she doesn't have the strength to fight him, she eventually gives in. He holds her hand and turns it, he sees them; the cuts in her wrist.

He then looks at her demanding an explanation. She suddenly moves her head and looks at him for the first time; his hair is messy, he has a fragile tear in his right eye but he won't let it out.

"What do you expect from me?" she answers with a sad voice.

"Stop doing this, you are hurting yourself, can't you see?" He holds up her hand and shows her the cuts, like she hasn't seen them already.

She is silent, she doesn't want to talk to him, but he insists.

"I have to take extreme measures because this is not good for you" He stops looks at her and continues "I won't see you ever again if you continue to slice open your wrists, you have to get better. Call me when you decide to change" He gives her a final kiss and exits through the door.

She looks at her night stand, there is an orange pill holder waiting for her. Anti-depresants. She takes all the pills in the container and swallows them, there must have been at least thirty of them. She waits for the moment in which her heart will stop. She looks up and whispers not to herself but to the world

"I'm sorry"

The feeling of loving you

"Am I really THAT predictable?" I ask ashamed

"And that beautiful" he answers while he takes a step closer.

Our eyes meet and my heart trembles. Our lips slowly touch and even though it's just for a second, that second means everything. December is still in the air, the cold wind brushes his way towards us. The time we spent under the moon was the time I fell in love with him, every inch of my body felt it, every bone reacted towards him, wanting more.

And for a moment, a brief one, I felt like the universe was perfect; the planets were aligned and the earth kept moving slowly, synchronized with our movements. Like our whole lives we were waiting for this brief moment were everything felt so perfect. We all waited so long for this moment, just for this brief seconds of passion and love.

We talked about our future, about our dreams, our experiences and most of all we talked about us. You grabbed my wrist and kissed my scars, and in that moment I knew you accepted me for who I am. You made me promise never to do it again, and I did...because from that moment on, I never needed to. I felt  like I had someone to rely on, and whenever something happened in my life all I waited was the moment where I got to tell you.


That night we felt asleep under the stars, holding each other and experiencing more love than most people would never know.