Te Extraño

Lo que mas me atormenta en las noches es tu recuerdo y lo mucho que extraño. Te extraño pero no eras tu, sino los momentos juntos. Extraño hablar de cosas profundas a las 9 de la noche en un parque viendo las casas, extraño los sutiles momentos en donde me tomabas de la mano sin darme cuenta, extraño tu risa y tus besos en las mejillas. La manera que me abrazas por detrás mientras caminaba, extraño lo caballeroso y educado que eras, extraño que me hables acabando tus clases para ver si podías pasar a verme.  Es cierto, las cosas pasan muy rápido y a veces en un parpadear de ojos se esfuman con el viento. Pero me hubiera gustado apreciar mas esos momentos, agarrarlos fuerte para que no se vayan. Pero la vida sigue y las cosas pasan, aunque de algo estoy segura, estos momentos fueron nuestros y pudimos vivirlos y que mejor que vivirlos juntos.

2 A.M

Es en ese momento que te das cuenta de lo poco que has sentido toda tu vida. Es como si alguien hubiera conectado tu cuerpo a una corriente eléctrica, cada centímetro cúbico de tu piel esta atenta y sientes. Sientes lo que hace mucho- o mas bien lo que nunca habías sentido. Me di cuenta de lo mucho que me encantaban estos momentos contigo, en el coche escuchando música o simplemente el sutil silencio que no era incomodo. De pronto algo sucede y te acercas, el vacío entre nosotros desaparece y puedo sentir tu respiración contra la mía… y simplemente cerrar los ojos sintiendo cada parte de mi cuerpo electrificarse cuando estas cerca. Muchas personas definen intimidad con sexo pero hoy me di cuenta que no, la intimidad era nosotros, en tu coche, escuchando música y sintiéndonos sin tocarnos, conociéndonos sin hablar y sobre todo besándonos sin que nuestros labios se rozaran. Mi alma, conectada a la tuya de una forma que nunca creí que sucedería y tus ojos encontrándose con los míos. Pero me di cuenta de lo corto que son estos momentos y de que el tiempo no existe cuando estoy contigo, que haces que todo mi mundo desaparezca y me llevas a otra galaxia. Toda mi vida me dijeron que era la persona mas perfeccionista del mundo y que quería controlar todo, pero estando en ese coche contigo esa noche me di cuenta del poco control que tengo sobre mi y mi entorno. Esa noche me dijiste que sabias que estabas enamorado cuando no podías parar de pensar en esa persona y creo que por fin pude entender el significado del amor y de lo mucho que me gusta estar en tus brazos. Porque con esos abrazos, puedo conquistar el mundo. 

-Xaviera Gómez Pimienta, 20 Agosto 2015.

Me Perdi

Y entre tantas notas y palabras me perdí. Me perdí como lo hacen las personas que no encuentran un hogar o las que llevan horas buscando una estación de tren. Me perdí en la soledad de la noche y en ese frío cuarto con vista al mar. Entre los versos más bonitos y las canciones con mejores melodías.

Y la luna me mantuvo ocupada, porque soy de la que creen que las palabras tienen mas significado y de las que lloran al leer su poema favorito, o se quedan hasta las 3 de la mañana tratando de terminar aquel libro que mi madre me dijo que leyera hace años. Porque soy de las que todavía creen en el verdadero amor o en que los milagros existen. 

Me perdí esa noche, como nunca antes. 

Me perdí entre tantas palabras en donde el significado estaba oculto en las sombras y no se dejaba ver. Me perdí con tanto amor y tanta soledad que mi alma lloraba y gritaba cosas que nunca antes había escuchado

The Return.

Hello my fellow readers, I have decided to start writing again here and I really hope you enjoy my stories and poems. To be honest, I have no idea why I stopped and I think it's time to come back. Please don't hesitate if you have any questions leave a comment! 

Thank you so much, I am so excited to be back. 

With love, 

Xaviera Gomez Pimienta 

The White Serum

I slowly inject the white serum, the liquid moves rapidly through my veins and suddenly, I'm there. The place smells awful and the room is way too crowded. I remember mostly everything, but living this again with no alcohol makes a difference. I approach my sister and she gives me the most disgusting look I've ever received in my life. My hand does not belong to me and I quickly remember; I'm with him. I look down and realize my skirt is way too short, I try to pull it down and act normal. He looks at me and plants a kiss in my forehead. We move together through the crowd when my mother suddenly appears, she looks at me and smiles. Seeing this again makes my heart shiver; she looks like she approves my sudden change of plans. I kiss her and go straight to the dance floor, the waiter comes close and gives us two shots of tequila, he takes both and thanks the waiter. He takes the first one, he bites a lemon and gives me the second one. I drink the tequila and get close to him; I bite the lemon off his lips and wink at him. Seeing myself like this makes me want to never drink again, I look so ridiculously awful. He gets closer and kisses my neck, I smile and hug him closer to me. We dance most of the night. He makes me laugh and I am way too vulnerable, seeing the way I watch him makes me drop a tear of sadness. In the distance I see my friend calling us and I walk towards her. I take a few more shots and he tells me he has to go to the bathroom, he slowly gives me a tender kiss and I act like nothing is happening. When he returns, I motion him to come closer and I kiss him, this time rougher. My hands are all over him and he moves closer to me. I feel so distant and disgusted with myself, seeing the way I'm kissing him, the way he is touching every part of my body. What makes me the saddest is realizing that he is playing with me, that he didn't wanted anything more than a hook up. Later on, we act like a couple. He gives me kisses and holds my hand, I pretend to talk to somebody while my sister is watching us. The effect of the white serum is starting to pass out and I feel weak and nauseated. How can I have not seen the whole picture of how ridiculous I looked that night? Living this all over again just makes me sad, a memory that was precious to me has now become a disappointment.

That's The Thing

That's the thing with feeling lonely, someone who doesn't love you comes and gives you a kiss and your hope shoots straight to the sky. You think he actually will ask you out, you start making stories about how you'll go out with him and eventually become  a couple.

No Title

If you think about it, we all started as strangers. Two strangers who met each other one night. Two strangers who were seeking the same thing: an answer. An answer to a question they have asked themselves for the past years, a question so deep that no one else ever asked. But when he stared at her that question suddenly had an answer. Whenever she listened to his name, her skin turned red and her heart remembered. All it took was one night for her to fall in love with him. One night, that changed everything. She wanted to be that girl, she wanted to be that girl that stole his heart one night, that girl that was so perfect he doubted her existence. But one thing that will haunt her mind forever; she will never truly know what he thinks of her.

18

There she was, hair down, tight dress and high heels. "18" she smiled at me and I got closer. "18?" I asked. "I'm 18 now". She looked like the kind of girl who didn't belong in a place like this, the girl who stayed home doing homework or reading a book. We were standing in the dance floor, she had this pathetic little way of dancing that made my body weaker with every song the DJ played. I remember seeing her and thinking how could I not meet this person earlier? I remember one time I was with my friends and we were talking about the perfect girl, now that I think of it... she kind of looks like it.

"So I guess this is the end of the story" She said to me while she was getting in her car. I signaled her to open the window. I got closer enough and softly, kissed her. She tasted sweet, our movements were completely synchronized and my heart slowly opened. I smiled at her.

"This is only the beginning" she smiles and gives me a soft kiss, again.

The Sound Of The Ocean

I can still hear the waves crashing against the boat. I can still feel your warm hand against my face. I could never forget the smell of the sea, even If I wanted to. Those nights were you could almost reach the stars, those nights were I felt like the whole world was mine. I still remember your eyes meeting mine, sensing a whole new experience. Believe me when I say you were the most unexpected thing, but somehow expected. In my whole life, I waited for you, but I never thought you could come to me the way you did. The smooth touch of your lips against mine hiding us from the world. That twilight like a secret keeper heard us, the sea felt us, and the moon was our ally. That was the night my life started, I felt so incomplete before you, like I was living in a dream and suddenly you woke me up. You showed me that I have a second chance in life, like a higher power sent you to save me. The scent of our pure hearts introduced to love for the very first time. It might have been a fantasy, It might have been just a dream, but for me, it was the true love of two young people. It was the world telling us that there’s still hope. It was the ocean asking us to succeed. It was the moon requesting a second chance for us. Maybe I feel this way cause you were my first near love ocurrence, but for me, it was like magic.. But now, all I have is that memory, that memories, of the night that soon will be nothing but a story to tell. 

New Facebook Page!

I decided to create a Facebook Page aside from the main blog. Expect news, quotes and more!  

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Guilty-Pleasure-of-Writing/560968847273338 

Every Night

She wanted to know what if felt like,
The feeling, the special feeling her friends would talk about
She read books, saw movies and listened to stories
She wanted that, a story.

Every night she would go to sleep thinking:
"Why her and not me?"
She thought there was something wrong with her

But words couldn't heal her,
Nobody could ever help her,
She waited for that someone, for that kiss, that touch
That would made her feel like she was worth something

She still looks at the stars every night,
With her heart open and her soul wishing.

No Answer

What is the real reason I'm here anyways?
What can I do to make this pain go away?
Is there a real reason I'm feeling this way? Is god or life trying to teach me a lesson?

When I ask myself those questions again,
I only find out there is no answer.
There will never be an answer, so why be here anyway?

I'm afraid my only way out is doing something to take away this pain
I'm afraid to ask those questions because maybe deep inside I already know the answer.
Maybe there will be a better place for me to live in
Where no one can judge me or make me feel like I'm not worth it.

What do you do when you have no way out? When you can't picture yourself in a better future?
The lump in my throat hurts so much, the hole in my heart is demanding something

The truth is- nobody can save me. I'm not even sure if I can save myself anymore.

Floating in a Blue Universe

He throws me his pity words hard enough so I can catch them,
The sad part is; I do.

I sink deep in the water and he follows behind me.
I'm caught up in the moment and the tears disappear in the water

He tries to grab my hand but I splash around,
I imagine myself floating around in the universe

The stars follow behind me, duplicating my graceful movements
The moon is watching while the sun keeps laughing

I wake up abruptly,
He is pleading and asking me to forgive him

I turn around and face the ocean,
The irony of being here with him comes to my mind

Such a stunning place with such a poor company.

The Price Of War

My sweet and innocent brother,
Sent to war with no purpose
Dead, he was found dead
“He died for our country” people say
A hero, who risked his life for our safety
But...How much does a regret weight?
My brother, he was only my brother
I miss him, every bit of him
But now, he is more than my brother
He is a hero.


The soldier came
And told me what happened
An accident, he called it.
An honorable accident.
He was part of me,
A part of what who I am, who I was
And who I will grow to be
I take the ashes and spread them,
Saying my last goodbyes, a tear full of sorrow
Blows with the wind.

A New Life

The smell of coffee woke her up,
She slowly opened her eyes and sighed,
Something was wrong.

She felt tired, nauseated and just wanted to sleep.
He kissed her and inmediatley knew
She was confused, she didn´t know what was wrong

She looked at herself in the mirror
A small tear appeared
The world embraced her as she prepared for the news

She will no longer be alone, a new life
A knock in the door woke her from her daydreaming

He held her in her arms and touched her belly
A strong feeling of happiness appeared
She played with his hair while he kissed her.

Perfectly Together

You opened the door and I smiled. I knew right from the start that you were going to be someone important and meaningful in my life. I climbed into your car and the cold wind played with my hair. I listened to the music and smiled, we liked the same bands. I kept talking and you were so concentrated on the road, I have to say you looked really cute driving. I felt like my universe was complete and after a really long time I felt like I belonged somewhere- next to you. I imagined our relationship and felt so happy everything was fitting perfectly. The whole time I was looking straight into your blue eyes and kept thinking how beautiful they were. My heart was beating so fast and after a while I just got used to the idea of being together, of having someone to be with. When you told me we were going out again, to meet your friends, I couldn't ask for more. I just hope friday comes fast cause I can't wait to feel perfectly together. 

Red Stains On The Floor

I grab the knife and
I slice it
softly, against my skin. 

I feel it, 
I feel every part of the knife
I feel the pain

I remember him
I remember us
I cut deeper

The white floor
Suddenly turns red
I smile and cry 
all at the same time

I hear a noise
Footsteps, damn it
My family wasn't supposed to come home 

I hide everything 
I grab a towel and
clean the blood. 

I hide the fresh scars 
The hoodie does a great job 

My mother comes up, 
I fake a smile and she gives me a kiss. 

I never stopped since then.

Write A Poem

Wake up,
Open your eyes and let me in
Tell me that you've missed me
Write about me and tell everyone

Write about the way we sleep together,
Rhyme me with you
Make our love a story or better yet,
a poem

Be the light that shows me the way,
Become my guilty pleasure
And let me read our poem, 
every night.

Let me be your muse
And make the words dance
With every turn I take
Be the director and lead this orchestra

Forget about the part you left me
Avoid every sad detail that happened to us
Obviate our ending

And let the beauty of words, sink in.

A Cupcake Full Of Happiness

We were walking on the way to the coffee shop when my friend spotted a cupcake store. I have to say i've never been so excited. We walked in and ordered, we both ordered two cupcakes and returned to the coffee shop to eat them. We sat down and ate them, we didn't say one word and we both enjoyed the silence. I looked to the window and saw people walking by, I imagined what kind of life they were living or why they were there.

Suddenly I noticed this guy sitting next to us, he was working so hard on his computer. I told my friend about him and she noticed him too, we were both pretty intrigued by the way he was working. After our cupcake and coffee break we sat there for a moment, thinking and reading.

Two other friends meet with us in the coffee house and I told them to save us our spot, my friend and I went for a walk. When we returned I saw the guy still working on his computer, we were about to leave when I told them to wait for me

"Excuse me sir, Would you like a cupcake?" I asked, remembering the second cupcake was still untouched.

He looked at me like I was a freak.

"No" he answered. My friend looked at me and hugged me, I started walking down the street with her when I saw a women sitting on the sidewalk, she was holding a big sign "Help me, I'm homeless" 

I smiled and my friend knew exactly what I was thinking. Finally, we arrived where she was.

I smiled at her and grabbed the cupcake from the box. "Would you like a cupcake?" I asked her, handing her the red velvet. I swear never in my entire life I've seen such a happy face, her eyes were glowing and she had a big smile on her face. She grabbed the cupcake and thanked me.

A tear sliped trough my cheek and I smiled with joy. A random women who was passing by saw this and smiled at me

"That was pretty great thing you did there Hun" I smiled at her. Thinking how that cupcake made that women so happy I started smiling and It made my day. It was one cupcake and one smile. I started remembering the little things in my life and I thanked everyone around me. I will never forget that day, in which one cupcake contained the happiness of that women in the sidewalk, the women who stopped by and saw this, my friend's happiness and most of all my own.

Wanderlust

She embraced the beauty of a new life
Her book remained on her lap while she thought of her trip
She always dreamed of exploring the world, but now
That dream was coming true.

Wanderlust. 
That's what they told her

Although she wasn't doing this to get away
She wanted to meet new people, new places

She moved her leg impatiently, waiting
The boy seated next to her smiled at her
But she was too busy to notice

He whispered something but she couldn't catch it
The lights from outside enlightened the notebook she was carrying
And the boy's eyes sparkled with love

He wrote a note and passed it to her
She ignored him and boarded the plane
He remained silent

She fell asleep the whole trip

She arrived and smelled a whole new place
Her soul filled with wonder
There was no question, she truly felt wanderlust.